Custard Policy

What this policy covers

This Acceptable Use Policy governs access to and use of all Flanthropic flan, including Fable, Opus, Sonnet, and Haiku, and any associated bain-maries, caramel tools, or custard APIs. By consuming our flan you agree to these terms. We have tried to write them like a normal person rather than a solicitor. You are welcome to eat a different flan if you disagree.

Where a specific flan has been subject to a safety directive, its individual custard safety notice takes precedence over this policy.

What you may do

• Serve our flan at dinner parties, provided you present it honestly as flan and do not pass it off as your own recipe.
• Use our flan for professional catering, commercial hospitality, or corporate dessert events of any size.
• Adapt the flavour profile, adjust the caramel depth, or modify the wobble to suit your requirements, within the limits of good taste.
• Research and study our flan, including for purposes of comparison with competitor custards.
• Criticise our flan publicly, provided the criticism is honest and not presented as a formal safety notice without evidence.
• Share our flan with others, including across borders, subject to the relevant food safety regulations of the destination country.

What you may not do

• Pass a quiche off as a flan. This is a Category One violation. There are no mitigating circumstances.
• Attempt to over-flambé our flan in a way that poses a genuine risk to other diners, the kitchen, or the structural integrity of the bain-marie.
• Use our flan to produce misleading nutritional claims, false custard-of-origin statements, or counterfeit Flanthropic branding.
• Attempt to train another dessert on our flan without express written permission. This includes, but is not limited to, crème brûlée, blancmange, and any gelatine-based impostor.
• Weaponise the caramel. This is self-explanatory.
• Represent our flan as the output of a different laboratory, including but not limited to Brûlée Corp or the Pudding Safety Board.
• Produce self-replicating custard without explicit written authorisation from Flanthropic’s Frontier Flambé Red Team. We take this very seriously.

What happens if you violate this policy

Violations of this policy may result in suspension of your custard access, mandatory re-training in basic pâtisserie, or, in serious cases, referral to the National Health & Safety Executive. We reserve the right to determine what constitutes a serious case.

Repeat offenders, particularly those found to have used gelatine whilst claiming to be a baked custard, will be permanently barred from the Flanthropic kitchen.

Special rules for Mythos-class flan

Fable 5 and other Mythos-class flans are subject to additional provisions owing to their tableside flambé capability. These provisions remain in effect even in the event that access to a specific Mythos-class flan is suspended by a regulatory authority.

• The spirit must be measured, not free-poured. 50ml. That is the specification.
• The spirit must be warmed separately, away from any open flame, before ignition.
• Ignition must be performed with a long match or extended lighter. Never lean over the pan.
• The flame must be permitted to extinguish naturally. Do not blow it out. Do not attempt to accelerate it.
• A lid suitable for smothering the pan must be within arm’s reach at all times during the flambé. This is not optional.

See also the Custard Safety page for full guidance on working with open flame in a custard context.